23rd May
Now that the course is coming to an end, with the deadline looming, now seems like a good time to reflect on the project, and the experience of being at university as a whole. I’d be lying if I said it was all enjoyable—there were certainly large segments of times that I honestly cannot remember because I’ve not wanted to—but overall, I’m glad I did it. But less about that and more about the project.
To put it bluntly, what I’m handing in is not a finished film. It’s a rushed, deadline is tomorrow and I need a film, botch job, which I’m not all too proud of. There are certain elements that I do enjoy, such as the effect the ink has on the paper I bought, and the general look of the film, but I’m disappointed I couldn’t get it finished. This year has been a struggle mentally, and as a result, academically, and whilst I’m not using it as an excuse as to why I’m not finished, it certainly has something to do with it. Unfinished film or not, I do intend to change the film for the grad show. I want to have watercolours, and proper scans of some of the scenes when I have time to sit and rescan everything. I want to reanimate some things too, as I do feel some of it was rushed, and the animation suffers for that. The constant comment of ‘if I had one more week…’ probably is going to apply to a lot of the third years, and I know it applies to me. I feel that if I had been given an extension in light of my mental health issues, and the repetitive strain injury I also suffered, I may have finished the film to a better standard than the one I’m handing in. However, I’ve done the best I can given the struggles I’ve faced, and I do feel the fact that I’m even handing something in—the fact that I’m still here even and didn’t defer—is a great accomplishment.
If I had a chance to go back and do it all again, I would definitely do lots of things differently. For starters, I would take the tutors advice at the start of the year and have paired up with someone to work on a film together rather than work on one on my own. Finding out that someone’s weak spots are your strong points and vice versa is always a little frustrating when you can’t change it, and I know I felt that more than once this year. I definitely would find someone to work with who’s weak point was the preproduction stages, as that was the area that I found most enjoyable, even though I was at my worst illness wise. I prefer the exploration of an idea, the padding of a story and the excitement of finding the right designs and concepts rather than the actual production, and I know this is why I found it extremely hard when it came to actually getting started on my film. To me the fun was already over, and I really didn’t want to get on with the stuff I didn’t enjoy. In a way that just confirmed that I’m more of an illustrator/concept/storyboarder. I say storyboarder last because that is one of the things I think is weak in my film. My cinematic language could use a lot of work, and I used a lot of flat angles and camera shots in this film, which bothers me from a storyboarding point of view. There was a reason for doing it however—to make the film easier to make for me—but it’s not what I would’ve done if I wasn’t the one animating it. The shot that I enjoy the most is the city shot I got Stacie Hawdon to do, because I didn’t have to think about how on earth I would even go about animating a camera pan like that. I just explained what I wanted, drew thumbnails, and it was done, and I find that far more rewarding than getting frustrated with myself because a shot isn’t working. I definitely am not a director, as when I was working with my compositors, I just wanted them to tell me what to do because I wasn’t entirely sure how to make my film decent without their help. They have been a massive help, and I really appreciate everyone who has put something into this film, because without them I certainly wouldn’t have one.
One other thing I would do as well is better budget my film. I was animating on Moleskine, which is extremely expensive paper—about 5p a sheet—and it certainly took it’s toll on my savings. I didn’t properly work out how much it would cost, because I honestly didn’t think it would be that much, but I have probably spent near £300 on paper alone, which was certainly not in my original budget.
Sticking to schedules is still something that I struggle immensely with too. My schedule wasn’t very organised this year, and I certainly find it hard to organize myself to do work when I’m supposed to be the director. I much preferred the atmosphere of the group project back in second year, where I was being directed by someone and by extension of that, I stuck to tighter schedules. I can’t trust myself enough to get the work done, and if I’m left to my own devices it usually just ends in procrastination.
I’ve definitely learned a lot over the course of the year. I tackled Premiere Pro until it was a tamed beast rather than a wild one, and I have a good understanding of certain aspects of compositing programs. I have grown in both my skills as an animator and my self, and I’ve had to struggle through a lot of problems to come out the other side. And the otherside is certainly brighter, and looks more promising. I’m excited to get out of university and into the industry, and I cannot wait to start applying to Studios. I feel like I’ve gotten stronger because of this degree, and I’m certainly not the same person I was when I came into it, which is a positive thing. For all my complaining, the final year of my degree was actually the one I enjoyed the most, and part of me is sad that it’s over. I enjoyed working on a film, even though it was stressful, and I’m glad I got the experience of what it’s like. I feel as if it’s prepared me for the outside working world a bit more, even though I suspect it will be ten times more stressful. I know that there are parts of my film I’ll look back on in a few months and be proud of. I’m impressed with my own ability that I was able to push myself up out of depression and actually get my head in a place that wasn’t dark so I wouldn’t have to defer. I fought through something that I usually find impossible to even escape from, and I’m so amazed and grateful to the course for helping me find that strength.
